101: Pilot

Note: Dialogue in "quotes" are real. Anything else is made-up.

Okay, a couple of weeks before the Hawaii Five-O (2010) pilot aired, I'd watched the original Hawaii Five-O (1968) pilot, so interspersed along this play-by-play will be a bunch of comparisons between the old pilot and the new pilot. The obvious main difference is that the original pilot was movie-length, so it could take its time. It could build up a sinister feel (especially if you watched it late at night, like I did). It could detour into making random commentaries about hippies (more on that later). It could make you really wish you could do something with Jack Lord's hair. That's all well and good, but really, I think the remake version's pilot sets the tone pretty well for the rest of the season: we're going to have us some good old -fashioned fun, kids!

Opening scene: South Korea, where Commander Steve McGarrett (our dear Alex O'Loughlin) and his team are transporting a bad guy. In the original pilot, we first meet McGarrett as he cruises to his office with a cheery hello to a tour bus driver. Obviously, in the remake we have to establish that this McGarrett is a tough dude. He will not be caught wearing the original version's blue American-cut suit, no sir, he'd end up sweltering under the Hawaiian sun in a three-piece, are you mad?

Look, to avoid confusion between the old pilot and the new pilot, I'm going to call the original version McGarrett and the remake version Stevie. 'Cause, y' know, I think we have more of a connection that way.

So, bad guy tries to bait Stevie: "You don't look Hawaiian."

He baits everybody that way. "You don't look Philadelphian." "You are so not from southern Idaho." 

Oh hey, phone rings! It's Stevie's dad from Hawaii. Stevie's dad, by the way, doesn't "look Hawaiian" either, whatever that means. Hey, who's that guy holding a gun to dad's head? It's bad guy's brother, a.k.a. Victor Hesse (a.k.a. James Marsters)!

A brief sidenote to say that Stevie should really learn how to write shorthand. Anyway, surprise attack on Stevie's crew as Victor's henchmen launch copters and missiles to free Victor's brother. Unfortunately, Victor's brother kinda gets killed. Whoops.

Shit, time to break the news.

Needless to say, Stevie's dad is now dead and Stevie has an archenemy. Dagnabbit.

But! The governor of Hawaii meets him on his arrival to his hometown (home city? Home island?). She offers Stevie full power and immunity so that he can keep the scum of the earth off her damn island. Obviously she hasn't seen the tourists. Unfortunately, Stevie doesn't care about having full power because he's a rebel that way. Exit governor, stage left. Enter Chin Ho Kelly (Daniel Dae Kim), stage right! Evidently Kim can't get enough of Hawaii post-Lost, but we're all for him sticking around.

Meanwhile, let's get to know Danny "Danno" Willams (Scott Caan), shall we? Hardworking cop, Jersey divorcee, loving dad. Caan does a pretty good job with Danno, by the way. He pretty much sets the tone for this series, which is basically: "Fun times ahead!" It's good to watch a show that's well-made yet doesn't take itself too seriously. I mean, think about the concept: a super team for justice beholden to no one but the state governor? The only way you can pull that off nowadays is with a huge nod and wink, and this show is basically nodding and winking at you the whole way.

I'd mentioned before that in the original pilot, the evil dudes and their evil ways make for a pretty chilling combination to be watched at night. In the remake version, evil takes a back seat to viewers giggling over Danno's conundrums. I don't know about you, but I'm okay with that.

Post-dad's funeral, Stevie goes to investigate the scene of the crime, i.e. dad's home. He gathers clues along the way. But whoops! Danno, the investigating officer, shows up, and since neither knows the other or trusts that they're indeed cop/navy like they say they are, here ensues one of the funniest gun-on-gun showdowns I've seen in a while.

Screw Ang Lee, we're doing gun-on-gun our way.

It has been said that the writers and producers didn't want the remake's Danno to be a mere sidekick like the original version, and here, from the start, you can tell that Stevie and Danno are certainly on equal footing. Not always the friendliest of footing, but at least it's equal. Trust me, it only gets better from here.

So they get stuff straightened out, but Danno won't let Stevie leave with Stevie's dad's toolbox (potential evidence), and Stevie doesn't care what's allowed because, y' know, the whole rebel thing. So rather than be arrested for taking away evidence, Stevie calls the governor to tell her okay, you know that whole full power and immunity thing? I'm up for that. Thumbing his nose at Danno, 'cause who's the most awesome kid on the block to have the state governor on speed-dial? I am, your sweet mutha.

Of course, gov requires that he takes the oath on the spot, so he has to do it over the phone while Danno watches, so that kinda spoils the whole "hah, I won" scenario. Fits of giggles, I tell you.

Next day Stevie gets case deets from Danno, and is impressed enough to say hey, you're with me. Let's investigate. Danno's not so thrilled, but hey, them's the breaks. Off they go, and they bond in the car. (Translation: No, no they don't.) Here is where Stevie learns "Danno" the nickname, but they are Not Talking About It. I love the exchange here. They may not like each other, but they respect each other. Too often, shows that pair up opposites make them belittle each other for comedic purposes, and here is a perfect example of how you can still maintain the laughs, the dignity of the characters, and move the story along.

Anyway, they end up at a source's home, gunflight ensues, chase scene ensues, but since it's Hawaii, instead of involving cars and fire-escapes, there are cars and a fruit market. Danno ends up popping the source in the back of the head, which so does not make Stevie's day, so he checks out the source's home to see if there's a clue to Victor Hesse's location. Naturally, he stumbles upon an imprisoned Chinese girl. Alex O'Loughlin, thank you for your decent pronunciation, I really appreciate it. I once had the agony of listening to the language being cruelly butchered on The Closer (a show I love too well, might I add), so you have no idea how much it means to me.

Anyway, Chinese refugees and forced prostitution subplot tie-in! I am amused, because in the original pilot, the Chinese government was evil and engaged in tortuous spy techniques involving orange spandex. In this new pilot, Chinese refugees are being victimized. No mention about their government or orange spandex, though. Oh well.

Scene from original Hawaii Five-O pilot. Look, it was creepy to watch at night, okay?

Stevie and Danno decide to bond. By which I mean they disagree over investigative choices, case leads, and oh no you di'n't just talk about my family. Boys, you simply must come over to my place for tea.

Are you getting your cooties on me?

I don't like cooties!

They don't pay me enough for this.

Danno socks him one, too. Just in case you were curious. More bonding ensues in car. Already I think their best bonding moments take place in cars.

Stevie: "How's the arm?"
Danno: "Let's just not talk."
Stevie: "Right now or ever again?"

Stevie and Danno, Alex and Scott, you may be my most favourite not-buddy-buddies EVER.

They go get help from Kelly, and together figure out that the baddies bringing in the refugees also smuggled Victor Hesse into Hawaii. Kelly has an informant, but of course, he can't join in the fun since he's persona non grata with the Honolulu PD thanks to an unjustly-tainted rep. But aha! Stevie has full power and jurisdiction, remember? "Come with us," he tells Kelly. Join the gang! This is awesome. It's like kindergarten all over again.

Off they go to find the informant. More love for the scene that follows, as it involves oversized T-shirts, ice-cream, and basically Stevie and Danno end up side-by-side, and you just know without either of them talking that they've filed this away into the Never To Be Spoken Of Again category.

So, baddie smuggler has been identified, but they can't send just any old bird undercover as apparently everybody knows everybody on an island. Apparently Kelly's cousin doesn't count as everybody, because he volunteers her. I'm sure it helps that she's a week from graduating from Honolulu PD and that she can get away with punching surf dudes in the face. Kono Kalakaua (Grace Park), how do you do.

Trivia: in the original pilot, Nancy Kwan gets second-top billing despite putting in a very nominal appearance. Seriously, she turns up for McGarrett to show off his manly side and to prove that opposites can fit together. And by "opposites" I mean McGarrett is a cop and Kwan's character is a hippie. I know it was a reflection of the times, but really, amidst the sinister undertones of that show, I had to grin whenever they got into conversation about you're a cop, you're a hippie, damn, surely there has to be a way we can co-exist.

She: "Why did you become a cop?"
He: "Why did you become a hippie?"
She: "Because I care."

There was one scene that cracked me up where Kwan's character gets up to shimmy at the drop of a hat, proving that the rumours about hippies are indeed true.

To be fair, I think anybody would pay to see Nancy Kwan shimmy onscreen.

In the remake pilot, Grace Park doesn't shimmy. Instead, most of her scenes feature her in skivvies. All I can say is there had better be fair turnabout, gentlemen.

Thank you!

So Kono goes undercover, but she's not that good because they suspect her within two minutes and ask her to strip down to her skivvies. Of course. Baddie smuggler snaps a shot and sends it to Facebook corrupt cop, who reveals that she's one of the good guys, so fight scene breaks out as she kicks butt and punches faces, and the rest of the guys come busting in with their vehicle (literally -- there goes that wall and, hey, run over that guy). Apprehend the bad guy, find a shipping container full of more smuggled refugees, the usual.

I must say, during the interrogation scene with bad guy, I was rather surprised to hear Kelly call Stevie "boss." I mean, they've only been together as a team for, like, what, less than 24 hours? I think when you call someone "boss" there has to be at least some sort of history or rapport behind it, and it just seems out of place here. A bit subservient, too, so it just doesn't sit well with me.

Off they go to find a Chinese freighter and Hesse. In a police car, wearing bulletproof vests, more bonding ensues. Stevie finds out the story behind Danno's nickname ("It's cute." "SHUT UP"). You guys.

There's the freighter. Vroom vroom! Gun fight. Bang bang. Hesse appears! Showdown!

I'm getting a huge kick out of the fact that Alex O'Loughlin, who used to be on a vampire show, is battling James Marsters, who used to be on a vampire show. In full sunlight. Basically, this made my evening.

Fight fight! Punch punch. Bang bang. Hesse gets shot and drops into the water. Danno cuffs a baddie, and Stevie gets to execute the classic "Book 'im, Danno" line. Can I also say that I love Danno's conversation with the cuffed, struggling baddie? ("Where are you trying to go?") It was just perfect.

So there ya go, premise is set up and main cast is introduced, as any good pilot should do. Basically, Stevie is leader of the treehouse and he invites other kids to come and play with him (ending scene: "We need a name!"). Can't wait for more eps. Did I mention how fun this series is?